Review and Rant: Dark Knight Ryzes

Warning: This post is spoiler heavy. So if you haven't watched the movie yet, don't read this post if you don't want to. Not that it will really matter much really. The plot was kinda weak and there were only couple twists. Also to read this post, you will need basic understanding of League of Legends. So let's get started shall we?

However, due to budget constraints, Chris Nolan could hire only one Ryze. So the title is misleading.

So in order to enjoy this movie to its full glory, one must first understand the plot of the first and second movie of the Ryze series. Basically, all you need to know is in the first movie, Ryze's parents get buckshoted by a random Graves and Ryze travels around the world being all angsty. During his travels, Ryze meets Liam Neeson, the head of the League of Legends, who trains Ryze in how to be an awesome AP Carry and be an badass. After Ryze becomes a badass, Liam Neeson tells Ryze that Ryze must help Liam destroy the Gotham City in order to cleanse it. Ryze refuses, and beats the crap out of him, and returns to Gotham City so that he can help fix it. Unfortunately, Liam had other plans and teams up with crappier alternative of Fiddlesticks who can only cast fear and can't even crowstorm. However, Ryze just kills them both and the day is saved! Not.

Seriously, NOT EVEN ONE PERFECT STORM.

In the second movie, Ryze must do battle with Shaco.. I mean Joker. While battling joker, some random DA dude called Harvey the Brain Dented gets his girlfriend killed by Joker and also loses half his face. Feeling quite irate, Harvey the Hamster goes on a rampage and kills bunch of corrupt cops. oh yea, he also tries to kill Gary Oldman's son, Gary Youngman. Ryze stops Harvey the Aardvark by pushing him off a building, which apparently kills him. Even in a world where getting stabbed and shot won't kill you, gravity does the F!#% around it seems. And Joker also gets apprehended by the authorities somehow and never comes back in the third movie. There, that's all you need to know about the first two movies, let's get to the main meat now.

Gravity, thou art a harsh mistress. 

Our movie begins by showing the main antagonist, Vayne. He apparently is a very smart guy who is very strong and defeats some CIA mooks and takes a scientist hostage. We then cut back to Ryze. After the end of the second movie, it seems that the police has been doing a pretty good job of arresting the criminals and Ryze no longer needs to be a batman to save the city. However, Anne Hathaway randomly shows off and steals Ryze's bling and fingerprints. Also, it seems that Vayne is hiding in the sewers on Gotham and is planning something big. Then Vayne takes over the RiotStore and makes it so that Ryze is bankrupt. OH NOZE! HE WAS ONLY WORTH 450 IP TO BEGIN WITH! 

He truly Condemns Ryze to take a Tumble down the economic ladder.

After some research, Batman find out that after the death of Liam Neeson, Vayne took over the league of legends in his place and plans to destroy Gotham City because that's what Liam wanted. Quite loyal for a villain. In order to punish Vayne for making him Bankrupt, Ryze convinces Anne Hathaway to take him to Vayne. Anne Hathaway agrees, and then betrays Ryze later. Due to Vayne's betrayal, Ryze is forced to fight Vayne one on one in a deadly cage match. No surprise, Vayne wins, and then proceeds to break Ryze's back and nerfs him. After that, in order to make Batman feel true despair, Vayne drops Ryze down a pit called the ELO Hell so that he may only despair while Gotham city is held hostage by Vayne. Vayne thus so by obtaining a nuclear bomb. How original.

We will hold the Gotham hostage for... ONE MILLION ELO!

While the outside intervention is prevented via nuclear bomb, Vayne frees all the prisoners captured between the 'Dark Knight" and "Dark Knight Ryzes" from the Rune Prison and gives all of them guns so that they might terrorize the civilizans of Gotham City. While Vayne is terrorizing Gotham City, Vayne tortures Ryze by making him watch the said terrorization through a 240 pixel twitch.tv stream. The frustration from watching the low resolution stream gives Ryze back the energy he needs to climb up the ELO ladder and escape ELO hell. After escaping, Ryze returns to Gotham and beats the crap out of everyone by calling upon his desperate power and punching everyone. However, after Ryze defeats Vayne by overloading him with punches, Ryze is suddenly betrayed by A RANDOM INDIAN WOMAN WITH WHOM HE HAD SEX EARLIER ON IN THE MOVIE! EPIC PLOT TWIST! She reveals that she is the daughter of Liam Neeson, backstabs Ryze with a knife, and proclaims she will destroy Gotham City in order to carry out his will. And runs away. Due to the fact that this random indian woman is neither Rikimaru or Shaco, Ryze quickly recovers from the backstab damage and pursues after indian lady, who dies due to her poor asian woman driving skills. So Ryze didn't even really need to chase after her.

Her fate was sealed the moment she grabbed the steering wheel.

However, it seems that the bomb cannot be disarmed! And so our heroes do something... I acutally won't write the very ending of the movie here. I just don't feel like spoiling this one part. Go watch the movie if you want to know about it. Better yet, read the wiki. So anyway, what do I think of the movie? This post doesn't really deliver the message very well, but the story in this movie was fairly weak. There were way to many asspulls, and the villain wasn't very interesting compared to the last movie. It's good, not great. It gets 8 out of 10 in my book. Watch it, it's worth it, but it's no cripple traitor jake sully. There are plenty of explosions and gunfights so that you will never be bored throughout the entire movie. You probably won't even feel that the story was weak until the movie is over. But I may be expecting too much if I want actual plot and character development in a movie about friggin batman. People expect asswhooping and asswhooping is what you will get. GG Chris Nolan.

This guy still makes my blood boil...WAAAAAGH!!

So, it seems that the Batman trilogy is finally over. Apparently, Chris Nolan is doing Superman next. Let's hope they somehow manage to bring back Heath Ledger so he can play a villain again... sniff... Heath, how i miss you so...

I'm GAR for Heath

~Stay frosty

JC

Rant: Power Outage

It's been a while, but I'm sure most of you remember the freak storm that happened around the DC area about 2 weeks ago. It was an uber powerful and an unexpected storm by many people. It knocked out most of the power around the D.C. area, and I'm sure most of you guys were affected by it as well. The trauma left by the experience of not having internet of over 36 hours still haunts me to this day. And I feel like sharing my experience with the internet would definitely be a step in the right direction for my recovery. Thus, let us delve into the tragedy.

Internet is definitely a place of healing.

So It began on what I think was a Thursday night. At that night, I believe I was crazily spending my time listening to retarded music and reading shitty mangas.  It was around 9 pm or so that my older sister came into my room. Apparently, she was bored and wanted me to ask my dad to go out somewhere that night. So after hurriedly finishing an argument on 4chan about the merits of using mirrors to reflect lasers fired by aliens in order to gain aerial superiority, I put my computer to sleep and went downstairs. When I asked my dad if he wanted to go out somewhere that night, he said he would go out under one condition: I would have to play him in a game of chess. You see, my dad was really into chess for some obscure reason for the past few weeks. I magnanimously agreed to his conditions. But I foolishly forgot about the fact that my dad was a really slow chess player. So after about an hour, I finally managed to crush my dad's forces in this grueling chess battle. True to his word, my dad said we would go out bowling or something. At that moment, the power went out.

I don't even know where I got this image from.

Due to my intense focus on the Chess game, I was oblivious to the raging storm that was going on outside.  As soon as the power did go out, I looked out the windows to see the trees in my neighbor swaying like headbangers listening to dubstep musics. I assume people bang their heads while listening to dubsteps right? I'm not in the 'hip' mainstream, so I don't even know what dubstep really is.  Anyway, let's continue from this simile. So for a while, my family just stayed quiet and looked out the window. There were tons of lightning flashes and shitz. In my neighbor's yard, one of the tree's biggest branches snapped and fell. Other than that, there were that much physical damage to my neighborhood. After about an hour or so, the storm died down and my family was getting bored again. So anyway, my dad decided that the best way to spend the night was to drink it away, so my family just ate pistachio nuts for a while and decided that we would go to sleep. 

My only experience with dubstep, and this is only because of my fascination with the WH 40K lores.

Next morning was bloody hot. You know how its been really humid and hot around the DC region around that time right? Thanks to the AC being out, I was boiled to death when I woke up. Frustrated, I proceeded to wash myself and turn on the computer so I could rejoin the fray at 4chan, only to realize that the power went out last night. I scream my dirge of despair into the world, and my family immediately told me to shut up. I was really peeved off as I would have to resort to do things that weren't based one electronics in order to preserve my sanity from the darkness

Dirge is such a good word. I love it.

So since we couldn't cook anything that morning, we ate something weird that day. I don't exactly know what it was I ate, but I do remember it being weird... OH YEA it was cold rice with water that I ate that morning. Cold rice tastes pretty bad, and eating it cereal style by putting water in it doesn't help at all. So my morning was getting just worse and worse that day. I was being forced to talk to my family since I wasn't gonna study or anything (haha). At that moment, my neighbor came out of her house in order to clean up the branch that had fallen during the storm.

No, not that kind of 'fallen'.

My mom basically forced me and my dad to go outside and help her clean up the mess. I was extremely tired at that point, but I reluctantly pushed myself into going outside( which was like 100 degrees btw ), so we helped out neighbor clean up that big ol' branch and talked with her about the power outage. To my great fury, my neighbor told me that it might take a full 7 days before the our houses would be reconnected with the power supply. SEVEN DAYS WITHOUT INTERNET AND POWER SUPPLY?  Around the ninth hour, JC shouted in a loud voice, saying, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"  (That's a reference to the Bible btw. I learned it from an anime. Matthew 27:46. I personally don't have a religion, but being a great man that I am, I feel like its a duty to somewhat learn the Bible, as it has great influence over Western literature. Anyway, back to my crappy story. Sorry if it ain't humorous. Truth be told, I'm just alone in my house right now, and have ran out of animes that I want to watch.)

How can I survive 7 days without anime, manga, and video games?

I don't even know what I didn't that day from that moment on. I guess I just blacked out from the trauma. The sheer sense of abandonment that I felt at that moment drove me to madness I think. Anyway, the time I regained consciousness was about 4 o'clock. At that moment, my dad loudly proclaimed that he couldn't take it anymore and we had to go out somewhere in order to avoid the heat. I readily agreed, and got on the car along with the rest of my family. AT LAST, SWEET AC I thought as I turned the AC on the car to the max.  We quickly drove to McDonalds and ate something there, and for a while, we just stayed there. After cooling ourselves off, we went home and returned to the abyss. It's not a very exciting tale is it? Yea, I know. This tale of power outage wasn't very exciting for me either. That's why it was such a terrible ordeal for me. I hate being bored as almost as much as I hate being tortured. Not a very good comparison I realize, but the point I'm trying to make is that I hate being bored. UGH WHY AM I WRITING ABOUT BEING BORED? Actually, why am I writing to myself? Good god, I have gone insane by recalling the power outage trauma! Quickly, I must amuse myself! I'll watch some shitty anime. brb.

Intermission.

...Ah, I feel like my sanity has finally returned. Let's finish this post up quickly. After returning from my quest to McDonalds, my family just lazed around, listening to the radio. And around 11:30 pm, light finally came back to my house, and I spent the whole night doing god knows what. I feel like writing about the power outage was a very poor choice. I just talked about how bored I was in this post. I'm sure yall have better business to attend to then reading about some guy being bored in a thousand different way. Go out there to the internet and have fun!

It's a series of tubes!

~Stay entertained!

JC