Rant: On Squidward and Plankton (An analysis by John Choi)

Sorry guys. I haven't updated this blog in a long time. If anyone still reads the stuff I post on this website, I have been busy for a while, so please excuse my awful behavior. To the rest that don't care, I'm back so read my stuff.  So over the last few weeks, I've been mainly been studying, going to workshop thingy, and been watching stupid videos. Among the stupid videos I have watched are some old episodes and clips of Spongebob.

I bloody loved that show when I was in Korea as a kid. It was called "Spongey Spongey Sponge-Song" in Korean. So when I first came to Amerca, I was confused to learn that Sponge-Song's name was actaully Spongebob. This greatly angered me and drove me to learn English quickly. Ever since that time, I have never trusted English translators and have never relied on them. So anyway, I love the humor and the ingenuity behind every episode of Spongebob I watched as a kid. (Note the word 'kid'. Spongebob has severely deteriorated gradually over time, and its just a pile of junk at this point in Nickelodeon. I actually, kind of pissed with America tv programming in general at this pint in time.) But the two characters I was interested and felth sympathy for the  most was Squidward Tentacles and Sheldon J. Plankton.  

Plankton is a character who I believe to be incredibly complex and deep and only possibly surpassed by Plankton. As shown by the episode "Friend or Foe" of the Spongebob Squarepants, Plankton has had a terrible and traumatic childhood. He was bullied by his friend because he was a 'nerd' and lived in a poor family.  Furthermore, he was raised in a single parent home by his dad.  His mom had obviously had run away from the family due to its rampant poverty that plagued it. In fact, his entire family tree is shown to be full of rednecks and the mentally retarded. His only friend was Eugene Crabs, who would later become his arch-enemy, and even this friendship would fall apart after sometime. When someone has gone through this kind of childhood, it's not surprising that he would become a wreck and be unable to properly function in society. Although Plankton did go to college is shown to have superb engineering and computer skills, he is unable to hold down any job long enough due to his inferiority complex. He is unable to work under other and is forced to create his own squalid business of "Chum bucket". And because Plankton believes that he himself will fail to create anything, he thinks that he must steal from others in order to make something of his life, and to prove that Plankton is not like his countless relatives who fail to leave any mark on society. I think what Plankton wants is to be truly be accepted as a contributing and invaluable member of society who is accepted by others. But due to his traumatic life, he is unable to keep up any long term relations with another being, and creates an artificial intelligence named "Karen" as his robotic life. Sickened by such perverse behavior, others are drawn away even further from Plankton, and Plankton draws further back into his shell. What truly makes me sad about Plankton is that he has the potential to do so much, but chooses to believe that he doesn't, and believes that he is at the bottom of the society, even though he longs to be more. None will help him, and everyone treats him as a scum of the ocean. WHAT TRULY ANGERS ME IS THE PHYSICAL ABUSE THAT PLANKTON SUFFERS FROM CRABS. Whenever Plankton tries to steal from his former friend, Crabs always uses him superior strength in order to beat him down. I think to beat up a former friend, when he just wants to be accepted by you, is the worst atrocity that a sentient being can do.

Squidward Tentacles is the "Straight Man" of the show. "Straight Man" doesn't mean that he's hetreosexual, but that he is the only sane character in the show. If one watches Spongebob long enough, it is clear that Bikini Bottom is actually a representation of madness, with Spongebob as its personification. I actually think that the motif of the Spongebob Squarepants show is One mans struggle to live in a world of madness and stupidity. It is often shown that all Squidward wants are peace from Spongebob and an ordinary life. But his wishes are never granted. Rather, he is often forced into Spongebob's high-jinks, and forced to partake in madness. WHY CAN'T SPONGEBOB JUST LEAVE SQUIDWARD ALONE? YOU MONSTER!!! Squidward is the representation of the auidence within the show, and through him , we can truly see the madness behind the jaundiced square. In my opinion, the sadness episode of the series is the magic conch shell episode, where Squidward accepts the rule of the plastic conch shell toy, when he realizes that he is the only one who doesn't follow its every command. He has learned to accept madness. It shows the futility to stay sane in an insane world. But what is interesting is that in a way, Squidward may be the only insane character in the show. If the world you live in is insane, don't you become insane by being sane? For the insane is only a world used to describe the minority. Whatever may be the case, it was always saddening to watch Squidwards struggles against tides of madness in Spongebob Squarepants.

Anyway, the people at nickelodeon put a lot of effort to making Spongebob the masterpiece it was back in the days. I only hope they can do it again.

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Rant: Point Lookout - Part 2

So after having terrible time fishing, I went back to the Choi Basecamp and ate some croissants with my cousins. That was one of the truly fine moments of that trip. But when I was done om nom noming the food, my mom recommended that we swim in the 'beach' that was nearby. Seeing how we had nothing else to do, we reluctantly agreed to go. But when we got to the 'beach', nature decided the F us over again.

The water was green and full of minorities. That's the first impression I got when I saw the beach. Me and my crew were dismayed at the sight. The beach was full of large pebbles and the water looked like something out of a 70's horror movie. Just as a suspected, when I first stepped on to the beach, hell awaited me. The rocks on the beach were BLOODY sharp and hot as hell. I was literally screaming and swearing until I saw my baby cousin who was 8 not complaining at all. Embarrassed, I quickly forced myself to shut my mouth, the pain continued to assault my nerves anyway.

Just about how I felt inside.

When I finally got in the water, IT WAS AS COLD AS DRY ICE STUCK INSIDE MY PANTS.  The water absolutely frigid and filled with disgusting materials that humanity has not yet invented a name for. I can almost swear that there was some kind of new lifeform being created in that biosphere. I really didn't want to get in the water to begin with, but I thought that coming all the way to point lookout and not even dipping myself in the water would be wasting money. My Asian cheapness F-ed me over again that day....

Asians are like this, only they look like Asians.

So after being contaminated by the eldritch waters of Point Lookout, we had to go to the 'Showering Facility' they had there. The place was rather run down, but looked functional from the outside, I had hoped that I could shower decently. But when I first got inside, me and my cousins discovered that there were only 2 showerheads out of 10 that were working, and that the showerheads only dispensed cold water as well. The latter fact was found out to my own surprise when I got in the shower. Actually, all three of my cousins had to shower under one showerhead because there were rotund hispanic males right next to us. And let me tell you, not that I'm a racist or anything, but it does not feel good when a large tatooed old man is right next you scrubbing his bollocks.

It can be rather detrimental to your health...

After that, the extended family had a decent Asian dinner, during while we were being feasted upon by voracious flies that inhabit the underworld that is Point Lookout, and we went out separate ways to go home. Let me tell you, this trip was definitely memorable, but not that fun. Next time, I demand I go to a place where my health isn't under immediate threat, for example, a pro starcraft match in Korea.

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Rant: Point Lookout - Part 1

Over the last two days, my extended family residing in Northern Virginia went to the Point Lookout Park. I had been hoping for a little bit of fun for a LOONG time so I was really excited when I first heard the news. I had never been down there before, but according to what I heard from the good people of Bethesda studios and what they told me in Fallout 3, I was bound to have tons of fun at Point Lookout.  They told me "Point Lookout opens up a massive new area of the Wasteland – a, dark, murky swampland along the coast of Maryland. So hop on the ferry to the seaside town of Point Lookout, for the most mysterious and open-ended Fallout 3 DLC adventure yet." There were gonna be hillbilly mutants and creepy stuff galore at the park, and the entire Choi clan would have tons of fun slaughtering them! I was, of course, sorely disappointed in the end.

I thought this was what I would be doing.

It began 7 am in the morning yesterday. I woke up and brushed my teeth and got all Asian for the trip. Soon, my uncle's family came to our house and we were gonna head off. (My aunt's family left by themselves) We all got into a  minivan and had fun driving to Point Lookout. While we were on the way, we shared many stories and I learned about how Russians love eating Korean food and that the Russian Mafia can be bribed with Korean food when necessary. THIS IS VITAL INFORMATION! If you are ever cornered by Russians, offer them Korean food and they will be so grateful they will spare your life.  Well, as we got closer and closer to Point Lookout, I was beginning to get a little worried. The scenery was far too green to contain any  mutants and nothing felt creepy. In fact, I felt that we were actually going to a normal park and that everyone had lied to me...

I don't see any super mutants here...

We got to the park and I was shocked! IT WAS NORMAL! THE ONLY THING IT WAS FILLED WITH WAS WITH WAS NORMAL PEOPLE! I was so shocked that I actually forgot to complain to my family about the trip. Soon, my aunt's family came and we were having not so fun time eating Asian food in the park. Then my uncle told me that we were gonna go fishing, and that it was gonna be fun! Well, whenever your uncle tells you something will be fun, you just know it's gonna end up with someone having to go to the hospital...

Dat Uncle.

Fishing was bad... We fished jack squat while the black people right next to us were fishing them up like crazy. I don't know how, but all the fish just avoided us. MAYBE THEY WERE RACISTS! Well anyway, me and my cousin did have a crab cage and fished up some crabs so that was nice. We actually made some Crab Soup in out house today and they are ok. But you know what else we got? SUNBURNS! AGHHHH It hurts like bloody heck! While we were fishing and crabbing, the suns friggin shanked us in the back! I never knew that suns could be such a backstabbin' bastards! One moment, it's giving you solar power, the other moment, it burns you to crisp!

Apollo: His treachery knows no bounds

But oh no! This was far from the end of my troubles! What fate had in stores for me next would have almost driven me insane if it wasn't for the fact that I was already crazed from the sunburns...

TBC in Part 2...

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Rant: Avatar the Movie

----------THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS OF AVATAR (2009)----------

I first watched James Cameron's Avatar with my older sister in the winter of 2009. I've heard that it was a really good movie, and after shopping at Costco with my family(One of my favorite pastimes of all time), we went to watched the movie. Before I watched this movie, I had prevented myself from learning ANYTHING about this movie because I did not desire any spoilers, and only knew there were blue people in the movie. When finished watching the movie, I was seething in rage. I was fairly impressed with the movie and it was fun to watch, but the story pissed me off big time for some reason. I felt like the humans should have totally won in the movie.

RAGE!!!!!!!

I found the aliens movie (the Na'vis i think) extremely annoying, much like the Na'vi in Legend of Zelda, and only desired their death and destruction throughout the entire movie. When they were being slaughtered in that one part of the movie where the army guy uses helicopters much like the banshees from Starcraft 2, I was almost pissing myself with glee. Those blue cat people had dared to scar a man's face, and now they were gonna PAY!

Captain Qudditch or soemthing. The hero of the movie

Except there was this retard cripple, named Jake Sulley, aka Arnold Benedict of Space. After being sent to the blue people to negotiate, he was infected by the blue people hippism. Oh yeah, that was another reason why I wanted all Na'vi to die. They were all hippies. Anyway, after having raping some horses/dragons and having intense hair sex with the blue people, Jake was eager to betray his race. (If you don't get what I'm saying watch the moive. CLOSELY. Blue people use the USB hair to connect with horses when they ride them in order to link their minds or something. They also connect their USB with EACH OTHER when they do it! So, basically, blue people are all rapists who deserve to go to prison for fornicating with animals and making them their slaves)

I'm doin' it bitches!

I was REALLY pissed at Jake for abandoning his race. HE FUCKING MURDERS PEOPLE IN THE MOVIE!(who look quite similar to marines for SC) And destroys goliaths!(I dont think thats what the robots in the movie are called, but they look like goliaths from SC, so I'm calling them that) HOW DARE  HE DO ZAT! I was crying at that part of the movie when humans were being killed...

The most badass unit in Starcraft.. Wait! I mean Avatar!

So near the end of the movie, there's duel between the Army dude(Who I think is called Captain Quiddich) and Arnold Benedict of Space. The army dude asks Arnold "How does it feel to betray your entire race?" and Arnold hisses at the man, which is both disrespectful to one's elders and is a traditional blue people action during combat. This shows that Jake Sulley is no longer human and is pretty much a hippie at this point; a sad end to any man, even a traitor. A part that infuriated me EVEN MORE was when Quiddich was about to kill Sulley(becayse he's not a hippie, thus better), this female hippy that Jake has had USB sex with comes out of nowhere and FUCKING SNIPES QUIDDICH! TREACHERY! She clearly did not respect a man's fight and killed him in the coward's way. WHATS EVEN WORSE is that after killing Quiddicgh, she simply hisses at him, and doesn't say a cool line like "Boom! HEADSHOT!" or "Thanks for standing still Wanker!" or "DOMINATED!" Clearly the writers were drunk when writing this part of the movie.

How the scene should have been

So at the end, the hippies sadly win and kick everyone off the hippy planet, thus making many men unemployed, ruining business, and causing a major recession on Earth. They are truly heartless bastards. And the blue people are like "hooray!" At that part of the movie, i was thinking "Oh, just wait til Avatar 2 Motherfuckers!"

See humans will always have two traits no matter what. They will be greedy, and they will ALWAYS WANT  REVENGE! When Custer was defeated at Little Big Horn, did USA just say "Oh shit! Let's not attack any more" No, they sent even more soldiers and virtually wiped out Indians. Sad business, but its human nature. So, what would humans do in real life in such situations? They will come back and either wipe the hippies out in a storm of lead, nuke the hell of them from orbit(since all they want is some minerals, not people), or give them something like the black death, which the hippies have zero protection against.  So anyway, I was so pissed off at the end of the movie. Hippies should have just gotten out of the human's way like good children and be integrated into the human community, after stop being hippies of course.

GAME OVER YA HIPPIES!

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Rant: The Real John Choi

Who is the Real John Choi?
Is it me?
Is it you?
For some reasons, Seniors seem to be caught up in this "Real John Choi" pandemic. Everyone calls me the 'Real John Choi' It's rather amusing and hurtful at the same time.
Well, all I know is that Brett McLean Started this...
I'M OUT FOR YOUR BLOOD!!

NOTHING CAN SLOW THE BLOODSEEKER!

Besides this tiny phenomena, there's not much else to write about at the moment. I happen to be a very busy person. Just watchin' some animes and reading Japanese light novels. those are some good stuff people! I suggest you try them over the summer.

One more topic, the PROM. I heard people say that it was fun, but it seems to be overpriced. Far too much. What I'm asking is, WHO is the man/woman behind the scene who gets all the money from all of the overpriced school events? WHO is profiting from our economic ruin? WHO is the puppetmaster of TJHSST? Well my followers, I intend to find out exactly who it is. Join me next time, where I write about a FICTIONAL DAYDREAM in which I confront the true MASTERMIND of the TJHSST!

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Rant: Sickness

Well people, its been a bloody long time since my last update. The reason for that are twofold. One, I had tons of homework and was too busy to think of anything that anyone would care to read. Two is that my sister (older) kept on spying on me over the last few weeks. Good news is, my sister is going to Korea to intern (DAMN! I WANT TO GO TO KOREA TOO) and that the year is almost over now. So, i see no reason to post a entry at this point in time.

As many or none of you might know, I was bloody sick today and didn't go to school. I don't exactly know why I got sick, but something tells me that it has to do with the massive heat wave. So, whatever the reason, I didn't go to school, and got to bid my sister farewell before she went to Korea. DAMN!

Dammit!

I WANT TO GO TO SOUTH KOREA TOOOOOOOO!!! It's seriously one of the best places ever! they got good food and actually good tv shows. You know why? CAUSE THEY DONT FRIGGIN BRING SEX UP AS A JOKE!!!.... EVER! That's right, the American entertainment industry fucking sucks! I don't watch the Big Bang Theory to for sexual jokes, I watch it for nerd jokes and shit like that. WHY MUST AMERICANS SUCK!! About the only good stuff America does/makes are...

1.Video Games(No question, will give them this one)

2.Movie(Barely though, it has been sucking a lot lately)

3.Colleges(meh)

4.Fried things/Bacon(Again, no question)

5.Weapons(Cool Stuff)

FEEL THE WRATH OF AMERICA!!!

Wow, this post is going in a weird direction. Well anyway, coming back to the original point, I was sick today. But the main problem was that I still have tons of homework to do while I am fucking tired as a sack of tire. It AINT FAIR MAN! SKOOL DONE IN 2 WEEK AND YET STOOPID THINGS KEEP ON HAPPENIN!! YRAGGHHH! Garr... I guess there ain't much to say about sickness... Well, I did have this weird dream though...

Please don't make fun of me for this, but while I was sick, I had this weird dream. The setting of the dream was in like the middle ages, but for some reason, I was riding a jeep wrangler. Then some random Asian gang came up to my car and a black dude who was in charge of the group put a knife against my neck.(IM NOT RACIST ITS JUST A DREAM IM SHARING) Then for some reason, I kidnapped the black man and imprisoned him while hiring some church guy to chant latin at the black man. Then for some reason, I went to six flags. Yea it was a weird dream, brought on by my current condition

Well, this may be one of the most stupidest entry i have posted yet in this blog.

Live Long and Prosper!

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It Burns: Prologue

After spending time on the internet that I shouldn't have today, I got this great idea for a mini comedic/apocalyptic story! I'm gonna write the prologue to the epic tale here and see if anyone likes it. If they do, I might continue the writing! The title of this story will be called 'It burns.' Realize that this story might suck.


Every good theory has its doubters. There were people who thought that Y2K wouldn't be the end of the world and bring down the internet. Some even thought that the CIA didn't perpetrate 9/11. There are even crazy nut-bags that think the US government doesn't have an inexhaustible supply of money. But those of who were "in the know" knew the REAL truth.


Ever since the dawn of mankind, man has thought of various versions of end of the world, or apocalyptic predictions. Theories such as the 'The world ends in 2000' by Nostradamus, the 2012 prediction, the May 21 2011 rapture theory, and the Great Cheese Armageddon theory by John Choi. Of course, those are all just ignorant speculations that morons with too much time on their hands thought of as a form of entertainment. However, some of us knew that the end of the world was real, and that it was approaching fast.


The ancient Greek philosopher and mathematician Pythagoras is believed to have been the first person predicted such an event, though the exact time of the revelation is unknown to this day, but we do know that he had discovered the end while playing with triangles. Unfortunately soon after the publishing of his new work, Euclid was decapitated/raped by the Catholic church who knew that if the end was known, it would throw the world into a great panic. But although the Church attempted to purge all of Pythagoras' writings, his prediction has survived through the years mostly on badly preserved papyrus scrolls. Although many of the scripts were sadly destroyed during the Middle Ages by Benedictine monks who badly needed entertainment, which manifested itself in the form of primitive paper airplanes. So anyway, Pythagoras was not alone in his discovery. Newton also figured out the truth while playing around with Calculus and Bakabakashii Chairudo of Japan found out while playing with his Atari. But sadly, they too were killed by Church before they could reveal the truth to the public.


A time for the theory was never known to be specified in the Euclidian tomes, but historians now believe that the "zero day" of the apocalypse is February 2th, 2013'. It was a time after the foolish so called '2012 prediction' had passed a few months before and all of mankind was sighing in relief. It was the perfect time for the end to begin. Although technically speaking, it wasn't the END of mankind, because if it was, this story wouldn't be able to be written. So I guess it was more of a continuation instead of the end, but lots of bad things happened, and for that reason people call it the 'end' for dramatic effect. So anyway, while most of mankind was gorging on its emergency 2012 supplies, the few who knew were fervidly preparing for the end. It was going to be in a way that no one could have expected...

This is a tale of a man who survived that event....



Alright guys, that's the end of the prologue. Did you like it? Should I continue?


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